Dear Shiddy: There comes a time when you find yourself pulling up your panties and the elastic begins to make a horrible crackling sound. Long sigh. Not because of girth issues per se (that could be the topic of another post), but because you have been continuously wearing undies from your early 20's and it is time to give them up and buy some new, grownup skivvies.
This then commences a whole psychological reevaluation of where you are in your life, what type of provisioner you should be buying age-appropriate undies from (VS, aerie, Wal-mart, Nordstrom, 7-11, etc.), what the purchase says about your standing in the world. All because you need a butt-covering.
Editor's note: I recognize I used three different words for what my husband would simply call "underdoo." Look people, I have to use my English degrees for something.