Saturday, October 24, 2009

Re: Crack-up Gift

Yeah, that is pretty awesome. What would be more awesome is if you sent a crate of these to an elementary school as a charity gift, and then it turned out they all said "ORGASM WORLD" or something like that.

P.S. Re: Penises. I have a lot to say. More later.

Friday, October 23, 2009

What the Boners Tell Us

The first penis I saw up close belonged to a public-school teen a coupla houses down whom I had a crush on. He just whipped it out one day while we were watching TV in his basement, and I honestly had no idea how to react. Pretty sure I ended up screeching and running back to my house (promising God frantically that I'd go to confession that Thursday night).

Years later in college, I had to workshop a poem by a fellow student about the first time she touched a penis. She compared it (numerous times) to a luminescent mushroom. Now I don't know about you, Shiddy, but when I saw L whip it out on the plaid couch, there was nothing particularly radiant or woodsy about it. It just seemed to me (at the time) a long, flopsy, flesh-colored tube sock with night crawlers just under the skin.

Yep, I'm a horrible person.

Crack-up Gift

I simply love the idea of sending someone hundreds of randomly printed overstock pencils. Am I alone here?