The first penis I saw up close belonged to a public-school teen a coupla houses down whom I had a crush on. He just whipped it out one day while we were watching TV in his basement, and I honestly had no idea how to react. Pretty sure I ended up screeching and running back to my house (promising God frantically that I'd go to confession that Thursday night).
Years later in college, I had to workshop a poem by a fellow student about the first time she touched a penis. She compared it (numerous times) to a luminescent mushroom. Now I don't know about you, Shiddy, but when I saw L whip it out on the plaid couch, there was nothing particularly radiant or woodsy about it. It just seemed to me (at the time) a long, flopsy, flesh-colored tube sock with night crawlers just under the skin.
Yep, I'm a horrible person.