Saturday, January 30, 2010

A Trophy.


Thank you for your persistence in keeping this blog semi-afloat while I went into communications hibernation. I see that my last post was nearly three months ago. As you know, I wasn't in life hibernation: I moved cross-country, I got a promotion, and I generally worked my ass into total desk-chair adhesion.

It's interesting that you're concerned your brain life is atrophying. (For the record, I don't think you have anything to worry about; just re-read the second paragraph of your last post.) I've come to the same conclusion recently about myself. What do I do? Do I have any passions? I suppose knowledge (in air quotes) is a passion of mine: learning languages, learning about languages, reading, trying to know the smallest things about smallish subjects. But when was the last time I actually studied a language or read a book? Now that I'm not riding the subway for two hours a day, I don't have the same time-vacuum to fill with reading. And, reality check on that last thing: outside of working hours the last year or so, my brain has been so steamed into egg-noodle softness that I could only read partial New Yorker articles or maybe two paragraphs of a non-news- or politics-related Times article on my iPhone. Instead, I usually used my train time for easy iPhone comforts like making colored jewel shapes explode or doing easy crosswords while still using the "check grid" and "reveal letter" features.

Let's get the facts. What do I do? I work, I work out, I spend time with the s.o., I avoid crowds and never really socialize anymore because social situations usually involve alcohol and loud settings and being reminded that alcohol and loud settings make me feel weird and spaced out (a noticeable transition the s.o. likes to call "shutting down"), and that combo doesn't really work out for me. That last sentence causes me to wonder if I have a high-functioning form of autism, but I'll save those suspicions for a separate post.

I have many talents. When I've tried things that have nothing to do with physical activity (e.g., visual art, writing, music), I've excelled. But usually my perfectionism creates self-conscious hang-ups that drive me to stop.

So: I'd like to mark a turning point in my life with this move to the place I really wanted to be, which (when I really think about it) is one of the most amazing things that has ever happened to me. And which, I can't let myself forget, couldn't have happened without me. I need to use that general feeling of self-goodness and the extra free time I now have (my commute is only about 20 minutes each way) to do something I already know I'm good at, or to find something I'm good at that I had no idea I'd ever be good at.

Suggestions welcome.

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